ZAHNNIE DOES ZIMBAWE UPDATE #1
Greetings from Africa! Cue the Shakira.
Still have zero idea why a Columbian chick became the face of Africa but I guess that’s the power of BOOTY. Anyways, myself, Zah, and Chef Donny have all arrived safe and sound in the motherland. I arrived a couple hours before Chef Donny so while we waited for him, Zah drove me to a bottle store nearby to gas some beers. If you’re curious, Zah is an excellent driver. Once he screws on his pedal extenders…
he’s the head honcho of the highway
Zimbabwe usually suffers power outages between the hours of 9AM-9PM and that includes the traffic lights, so every time we cross an intersection Zah starts screaming at the other cars “Set the pick! set the pick!” as he somehow navigates us safely across the road.
Zimbabwe is also dealing with fuel shortages at the moment so when we drove by a gas station there was a line of cars probably a mile long waiting to fuel up.
I asked Zah if we would be able to find enough fuel for our trek around the country and he reassured me that his family has a “fuel guy”. Good to know.
We picked up Chef Donny and headed back to Zah’s humble abode. Actually I wouldn’t say humble. Just look at that front door. KING SHIT.
Zah’s fam has been incredibly hospitable and have gone out of there way to make us feel at home. The only time I haven’t felt at home was when Zah asked me to grab a couple beers from the freezer and I found a Goat’s head instead. #WhoaThatsWeird.
Now for a couple fun facts:
- Zah claims that at age 10 he was the fastest butterfly swimmer in all of Zimbabwe.
I told him we should film a video of him breaking Steven Cheah’s intimidating 4 minute treading water record but he claims he’s currently not in “swimming shape.” I expected more confidence from a world class swimmer.
- Not shitting you but it turns out Zah’s Mom and my Dad both graduated from Clark University in Worcester MA only 4 years apart. Who knows, If Zah’s Mom didn’t end up marrying her high school sweetheart there could have been a real life Zahnnie running around.
- Speaking of Zah’s mom’s high school sweetheart, Zah’s Dad is a doctor who has a top notch fashion sense and a mean golf game (used to have a 4 handicap so if Riggs needs someone else to dummy him on the links now that Whitney’s out he is your guy).
- Zah’s parent’s have no idea he works for Barstool Sports. All they know is that he works “in media” and lives in New York. However, thanks to Foreplay his Dad is finally starting to connect the dots. He goes to Zah: “At my golf club some people were sharing a clip of Tiger Woods and in the video was that logo I always see you wearing, do you work for them?” Way to get the brand out there guys.
I’m gonna wrap up this blog up before the power cuts out again but expect another update tomorrow. Then on Friday we’re going deep into “the bush” to go camping in a wildlife preserve. Zah is NOT looking forward to it. Not sure if it’s because he’s too bougie these days to rough it in a tent or because he knows 90% of wild animals in this country could eat him in one bite, everyone knows the rules. Will have zero internet connection while we’re there but next time I find a signal I’ll be sure to let you guys know that we’re still alive.